It felt like an eternity, in the best way. But it really was just a few moments. That’s all I needed. I was sitting on a big rock in the middle of the stream in the mystical Iao valley, sunning myself like a lizard. My skin was still tingling. Not one minute before I was fully submerged in cool, mountain water, breathless with the shock of it. Now, in the afterglow I was radiant, feeling lit up from head to toe.
And that’s when the portal opened. I saw, sensed, felt, through several dimensions. I felt my lineage, I felt history unfolding behind me, millenniums of human experience. And I felt the layers of the future spiralling in front of me through the trees that lined the riverbank. The legacy, the forward lineage of a life lived in joy, in fullness, authentic choices, in gratitude. All this crammed into one tiny moment in a stream – albeit no ordinary stream.
It took me a while to come to. I had been in a kind of trance, basking in the contrast of warm and cool. I didn’t truly understand what all this was about. But soon I would. And it would come the next day in the form of a very special rock in an outdoor Heiau (temple). This place is known to the locals as the ‘teleport,’ and inter-dimensional ‘leaping off’ point, because of its’ sacred powers and the mystical experiences to be had there. Jeana, our Hawaiian guide, had introduced us to some of the special stones in the Heiau and their purpose, explaining that in ancient times Heiaus were places of birth, healing, medicine and meditation. Simple structures with no roof, there is nothing between you and the sky, you and spirit. I immediately felt viscerally drawn to the birthing stone and sat down. My rational mind thought it was because I was wondering what I was to give birth to next in life and business. Little did I know it was to be a very different kind of birth.
Within moments I felt a deep connection to all the women that had given birth there, who knows how many thousands of them. I felt the life force and magic of all that creation. I also felt the presence of a being that was showering me with a mother’s love. It was as if I was being birthed. I melted into that love for what felt like aeons and experienced a kind of belonging, a merging in love, that I’ve never felt before. I felt healed in that moment. Healed of the ache of a distant mother and her death 13 years ago. Healed of the fear of truly expressing myself in the world. Healed of the fear of deeply loving. I was able to fully let go.
Of course, in my tradition of esoteric experiences, coming back to ‘earth’ was wobbly. The whole of the next day is a watery blur as my being struggled to integrate what happened, but I do remember feeling incredibly held, incredibly safe and beautifully loved by the women who journeyed with me on that retreat. When as women we are able to connect in our vulnerability (which is truly our strength), to share deeply without masks, there is great healing and real community is born. Knowing this, as my journey into the feminine unfolds, I continue to dare myself into the edges, knowing that I am never really alone. When my soul is open, receiving, and allowing, that’s when magic happens. There are women all around me yearning for the same things I do, and we’re finding our way through, together.
Never underestimate the love, the deep level of truth, and the joy that can happen when two or more than women are gathered!
For more information about retreats, visit www.thepeacefulwoman.com
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